So many things are gone now . Now I know that things werent meant to be , it’s not the end but it feels like it . I think of jumping off this railing three feet away from me. The rain tickles my feet and I wonder what it’d feel like all over my skin. Just sitting in the rain , the numbness in my chest overcoming anything physical. Sounds fucking cheesy right ? That’s what love does to you. Sometimes I wonder if I ever loved you , because it’s obvious you didn’t love me. You used me and that’s all there was to it , you had no plan of a future with both of us together but I’m glad you didn’t ask me to go out with you because now I believe you when you said you’d hurt me. But you know what? Too fucking late . I feel dead . I feel like someone ripped open my chest and beat me senseless , beat my heart to a bloody fucking pulp. You have no idea what I’m going through and if you do , then I don’t know what to say . I wish we were still friends but even though I say that nothing will ever be the same . I never want to speak of the topic of “us” ever again with you. I’m tired of saying things to you because what does it do ? Nothing . Fucking nothing . Ha , was I stupid or what ? I don’t know whether it’s because I let a guy like you use me or for even thinking you were telling the truth about all the shit you said to me . Nothing will ever be the same and there’s nothing I can do . Everyone says you’re not worth it but how can I say that about the one guy I loved for the first time ? How can I suddenly change my view of you from perfect to motherfucker ? I’m not strong enough for this , I thought I was mature but I’m really not , I’m still a little kid and it’s so hard to handle things because you know I cry all the time . Crying almost everyday after school … Brings back memories I don’t want to remember . I would’ve done anything for you , thank you for listening and not talking to me . For giving me time to get over it . I’m not even being sarcastic . Thank you , I’m glad I’m not your girlfriend. Oh and by the way , you were wrong ; I was just a fuck over the winter break .
can you delete my number.
don’t say hi to me.
don’t talk to me.
don’t text me.
don’t call me.
don’t chat me.
when we make eye contact, look away as if we’re strangers.
act like you don’t know me. eventually you really won’t know me.
forget me.
don’t pay attention to me.
unfriend me.
delete me forever.
because it’d cause me less heartbreak than it is now when we’re talking and i can’t say what i want to say… that i have to make small talk when i just want to fucking die.
